A Sad Longing

To understand better, I should give a little background: I've been doing folkdance since I got to BYU. Last fall semester I was put on the backup team--it was amazing.

I loved my teammates so much! We were so close because of all of the time we spent with each other. In November we auditioned for SPAC which is the spring backup touring team. Pretty much if you were on the fall backup team, you have a guaranteed spot on SPAC. Well, I auditioned very confidently. Ok, so I rocked those auditions. I just knew I was going to be put on the team. I planned my winter schedule around being on SPAC; a couple of my close girlfriends and I had already made plans to live together when SPAC toured in May. It was all going to be perfect.

A few weeks later the team list got put up for SPAC and almost everyone from my team was on it...except me. I later found out that because I was a graduating senior they would not let me do the team. Why didn't they tell me that before I auditioned?! That was not fair in the least! I cried my heart out. I had worked so hard to make that team and I wanted it so badly! But it wasn't to be.

Fast forward a few months to now...

So this evening I went to a folk dance performance. I got to see SPAC perform--all my friends and former teammates on stage dancing their hearts out. I couldn't help but think that I should have been up there dancing with them. It hurt to watch them. So as I sit here writing this, I have this sad, hollow, longing feeling in my heart. It kinda sucks.